# 97 Why I hate labels

When I was a kid, I hated being lumped in with the crowd. I wanted to do my own thing and not be branded. We called them sheep. I don't know if that description still applies these days. I wanted to be the one that did things differently and didn't fit in with the crowd. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't.

But it's one of the few character traits that have remained with me all my life. It's why I never go and see a film with the masses the first week it comes out (partly because the hype is usually grossly overrated) and I don't bother with mainstream music until I've missed the boat. Even then I generally pick between albums and take out songs I like rather than bands. It's just the way I am.

Now, I don't know many feminists. I'm not even sure I fully understand the term. I am confused by women who claim to be feminists and then do things which totally contradict what I understand feminism to be. Maybe that is what being a feminist is all about. I'm not sure.

According to Wikipedia (that fountain of knowledge):

Feminism is a collection of movements aimed at defining, establishing, and defending political, economic, and social rights for women. In addition, feminism seeks to establish equal opportunities for women in education and employment. A feminist is "an advocate or supporter of the rights and equality of women."


I'm going to stick my neck out here and say that I have no interest in feminism. I am what I am and I don't need to have that kind of label stamped on me. I am an individual. Apart from anything else I do not feel the urge to jump up and down every time something happens real or virtual which doesn't fit my social agenda and makes me feel victimised for my sex. Some times you can get paranoid and take things too seriously and too much to heart.

Doesn't this just get your back up? Source

And I guess this must make me one of the lucky few because I have never felt a need to define, establish or defend my rights. I have never felt unequal, I have never felt segregated or marginalised or singled out in the workplace. And it isn't as if I have lead a sheltered life. I've been out in the real world for a long time now, I've exposed myself to some pretty harsh realities and offbeat walks of life I wouldn't have experienced if I'd towed the line.

I've worked in many business sectors particularly so called 'male dominated' industries, had a number of long term relationships with men and have always been independent and self sufficient. My decisions were my own and the mistakes I made the same. And I rectified them myself as well. Just because that's what you do.I never had anyone else to blame for the way my life ended up.

You might say 'well what about those women who don't or haven't been as lucky as you?' Well yes, but I haven't lived their lives, I don't know what it's like to be them, and so standing up and fighting for the rights of someone who's life I know nothing about and cannot even begin to comprehend contradicts a lot of what I am about.  In fact, it's a bit patronising in some ways. It's not how I operate.

I guess if, god forbid, I was raped I would suddenly be campaigning for rape victims rights, or if I was hit by a car on a pedestrian crossing I'd be campaigning for tighter sentences on bad drivers. But I haven't and so I don't. You cannot campaign for everything and my personal feeling is that standing up for something you have no direct experience of is an empty voice. What if you do more damage than good because you didn't understand the implications of what you were actually doing? There are plenty of people out there already who have experienced those things. Let them campaign.

I enforce a moral code based on my own life experiences and I help the people I know as best I can based on this. I may not have direct experience of their problems so I can only impart advice and how I would handle something in the same given situation but I would never bang on about it or force my ideals on people and I would never shout someone down just because I didn't agree with them.

I'm just getting tired of not being able to have a conversation without someone trying to force political agendas down my throat. It's wearing and it's making me completely disinterested in talking about anything of consequence because I seem to be tripped up at every turn.

It's been interesting to find so much writing in a similar vein on the internet. I like their stance although how they came to those conclusions has been very different to mine. Try xojane or alyssaroyse for a more positive stance on not being a feminist and the reasons why. That these women walked away from it for different reasons and not least because they experienced life, is interesting. If you're going to dig your heels in on your opinions and code, get some clarity on the situation. See it from every angle. Live in the real world and then come back with the same philosophy and say it stands up to interrogation.

To me, lived experiences are too complex to carve apart. 

And maybe feminists do need a space that is just about gender, but 

that’s not a space for me, because nothing in my world is that simple. 

That's OK. I don't need to be in every space.

- xojane

Rant over.

# 96 The best naturism on the internet

Now that I am managing a small private Facebook group for younger naturists in the Midlands, my interest in other people's writings has really taken off as I populate our wall with interesting links.

Source

Some of the best ones I have seen are on Tumblr - a site I have never really got to grips with - and Wordpress. I've read some incredibly powerful and thoughtful entries on body image both positive and negative, read about people's journeys into naturism as they come to terms with who and what they are, seen a lot of inspiring photographs and have had aspects of my life given a massive reality check.

So I thought I'd share some of my favourite places with you all because I want you to know how awesome some of these people are.

My absolute favourite at the moment is this Tumblr site Fat and Naked. It's run by Cadenza who hails from the USA and embraces her curves in every possible way. And you know what she loves the way she looks. And she looks amazing!

At Home Clothes Free is another site full of interesting bits and pieces. It gathers its entries from all over the internet meaning I don't have to trawl sites for hours. I even found my blog posting from 28th June on there the other day. Kudos!

At Home Clothes Free Source

Project Naked is loaded with personal stories about body image. There are some really heart warming tales and also some very sad ones. Read it if you're in any doubt about your perceptions of yourself.

Another one I've really enjoyed for its positive message is i-naked.info which covers many aspects of naturism and body positive imagery.

The one all encompassing feature of these sites is that your body is your body and no matter what you look like being naked is cool. Naturism is essentially non sexual. It's about being clothes free and nothing more, whether you're an at home secret naturist or you go to clubs, beaches or like to swim naked.

And if you remove the sexual aspect of it, much of our prejudice towards the body and its aspirations to perfection, quickly dissipate which says a lot about the society we live in.

Don't forget it's the Great British Skinny Dip 2012 this weekend. Do something new. Just do it!

# 95 Money Can't Buy You Happiness But I'd Rather Cry in a Ferrari

I've read some particularly relative articles this week. One I spotted in The Guardian 'Being an unemployed female graduate, as not seen in the movies' came from their 'The Graduate without a future section'. Inspiring huh? Not for the 100,000 plus graduates facing the reality of having to find work in 2012. Graduate unemployment levels apparently match those of school leavers which raises several questions. Worse still articles like this one from the BBC make very sober reading. But why am I not surprised?

I (perhaps rather stupidly depending on how you look at it) decided to get my education in reverse. I suppose circumstances dictated it. I left school having hated most of it and after several poorly paid but interesting jobs and two years at college acquiring one of the most useless qualifications in existence (a BTEC) I landed on my feet when I discovered I was a pretty good PA. I was happily and permanently employed in a number of office positions for more than 10 years. I got a shed load of positive work experience, learnt a hell of a lot about organisation, work ethics and money and rose to a pretty respectable salary to boot. I'm pleased to say that in my entire life I've only ever spent 6 months signing on for jobseekers. And that was 20 years ago so I think I've had a very lucky escape to date.

But I sacrificed it all in 2009 for a belated University education in Lincoln and now, having completed my three years, I am trying to run my own business. Office work, whilst lucrative, was always a stop gap not a career. It was however a pretty long stop gap and I could see my life rapidly disappearing in front of my eyes. Sound familiar? It scared me more than taking the risk and it got to the point where I had to make a decision. I made a lot of sacrifices to get here. Has it been worth it? I'm not sure yet. I'll have to take a rain check on that one.

So I was interested in the Guardian article I mentioned at the start of this blog. It rings true for the most part although I didn't agree with the bit about my 20s and I certainly wasn't a typical student. I was far happier financially in my 20s if nothing else, and that has to count for something. I'd be happy to go back and do them again with some of the hindsight I've picked up over the years.

My 30s have been more of a struggle that's for sure. And there's no doubt that making big changes in your life when things are supposed to be getting easier and you're meant to be settling down is a risky business that you may never recover from in times of recession.

Thankfully I've never really been the settling down kind, which is undoubtedly why I was able to make those risky choices which allowed me to do what I wanted with the employable years I have left. I may have had a lucky escape from that fate, but what lies ahead is far from certain.

So, here I am, mid recession, setting up a business and kind of wondering where the next pay packet is going to come from. It's scary. Sometimes I wonder what on earth I was thinking. But three years ago, with a student grant, my outgoings streamlined to the last penny and thinking that it would probably see me through the recession it seemed like a phenomenally good idea. Now I've been let loose into the big grown up world again and the recession is most definitely still here I'm getting a little shaky.

Perhaps I should string out my education for as long as I can, but post under-grad where would I get the funding? Should I quit whilst I'm ahead and go back to office? Well sadly it doesn't work like it used to. You have to jump through hoops just to get a week's temp work because the standard of staff has become so bad you can't trust agencies (so I was told). Plus the fortunes that were thrown about for temporary staff just aren't there anymore and everyone is watching their budgets. Besides which this is not really going to be an option. I didn't come all this way to default back to where I was three years ago. And whilst moving to a bigger city with potentially more jobs has it's appeal do I really want to quit now?

It's not all about money. But everything sure looks a lot rosier when you have some. Money can't buy you happiness but I'd rather cry in a Ferrari.

And you know what. I would.