# 86 Curb Your Enthusiasm

When I was young I was incredibly passionate and enthusiastic about what I believed in, what I loved to do and what I wanted to be. I was inspired. I could get lost for days in a project or get so caught up in a new TV programme I became completely obsessed and couldn't do anything else.

Last year it happened to me again. I was so full of buzz and energy for the work I was doing I was quite literally bouncing off the walls. It was like someone had slipped something into my food. But I lost it at Christmas and I've never got it back again.

The last months of University have been stressful, numbing and sadly disappointing. Even more, it hasn't quite dawned on me yet that I have left and that at last I can start being really creative again and work to my own agenda. I hope that with time and the projects I see before me, I'll get some of that buzz back again.

But it also occurred to me that it might not be me who's lost enthusiasm. I am amazed at the lack of energy in  some people around me, people starting out in life who should be full of the sense of trepidation that comes from flying the nest and starting out on your own. I'm guessing the state of the world today, the recession, the lack of job opportunities and the seemingly repetitive and predictable nature of life has dulled our senses a little.

But I see no spark in anything around me at the moment, nothing to catch the imagination. Films I see promise much but are often disappointing - music doesn't inspire. And as for the TV, well I pretty much stopped watching that some time ago.

I want that sense of adventure back that I used to have, that spontaneity about being a creative person, about doing something at the weekend that was unplanned and badly thought out and not having to plan my social life around what's left in my pocket. I miss these things.

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