# 79 (2013) When I Was Twelve

When I was 12 I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to be a business owner, a costumier and a writer. All together. All at the same time. I didn't want to change the world. I wanted to make a dent. To be remembered for something. Funny how things work out.

I don't doubt for one minute that I see those aspects of my childhood and think there was a core group of kids my age who all believed in themselves and kept on going. I know they weren't all like that but I like to think things were better 'back in my day'.

Working with a new generation of young people approaching their first milestone in education - their GCSE results - has, not so much opened my eyes to some of the difficulties they face today, but perhaps reaffirmed to me that there are REAL challenges for them in the midst of a negative economic led era and a lack of social integration.

Economic downturn, office-tied parents, kids who get no direction and aren't made to feel valued - these are all aspects of childhood I didn't see. And I realise that makes me lucky. When you're young I guess your eyes aren't open to everything and sometimes you don't see how your own situation affects you. You accept things for how they are. Because what else do you know?

You shouldn't expect young people at this age to know what they want to do with the rest of their lives but you do hope they have passions and dreams of where they might be in 10 years time. For some of these children there seems to be nothing. Their future stretches out like a desert. Some are indifferent to that. And that worries me.

Leading by example: Malala Yousafzai's life changing experiences have provided her with a unique standpoint (source)

# 78 (2013) Kids Today

I am currently working for a Government scheme that aims to give young people a chance to operate outside the classroom. It is designed to encourage team building, communication, direction, personal goals and arm young people with a better understanding of the real world and the maturity to be successful in whatever they choose to do with their lives.

Whilst I was training and reading about how unprepared our kids are for life after education, everything seemed hypothetical. You read about all the ways they plan to get school leavers ready for work, skilled and enthusiastic and you watch from afar and think it won’t work. And I was sceptical about the scheme I had just joined. I could see how in theory it would work, but in practice? 

I have now completed my first week on campus with my ‘team’ of 11 and observed not only them but the campus in general. 

Most of mine are all remarkably lucky young people. They come from comfortable enough backgrounds to have had good all round educations. They are not rich but they are members of clubs and social teams and they are enthusiastic, bright and keen to try new things. I have only one who does not come from this sort of background and the differences between them and their team mates is startling. 

The scheme they are enrolled on does not discriminate between background, disability, financial stability or academic or vocational ability. It is open to all aged 15- 17, whether they be in full time authority education, SEN schools or in another type of educational environment suitable for the age group. Even NEETS get a look in through job centres and other schemes. 

But it struck me quite early on that the general uptake of this project is generally white, middle / working class female students, despite the huge range of initial application forms. No student can be forced to attend. But there is also no excuse for any child not to attend. 

It’s a fantastic opportunity for any young person and I’d encourage any parent to enrol their child but I am concerned about those under achieving students lacking in confidence or motivation who have not attended. Those young people who already have these skills will lap it up and love it. But all in all, is their benefit from it greater or even as good as those young people from less privileged backgrounds who may never have left their own county in their entire lives, who may never get the chance to try archery, raft building or learn to work as a team to read maps across open country? They are simple enjoyments for many children, but for others, just something other people do and something others are too afraid to try.

Motivation is addictive. Once you discover it and the world outside there can be no stopping you. But if you’re used to entertaining yourself in front of a TV, maybe hanging around with your equally unenthusiastic friends in the local park how are you to discover this? Negativity and a lack of direction breed all sorts of problems. 

Already within this generation of young people I can see the cavernous divides between their desire for life, positivity, ability to work with others and emotional and communicative development, purely by the stimulation they get in their home environment and from their peers and family. 

If a young person is told they will never go to University because only ‘clever people go there’ and they have no interests and are afraid to try new things because they are scared of failing or being laughed at, how are they going to survive in life? Because all these things are day to day hurdles that we all face, mostly without a second thought. But for these children who are told they will not amount to much or are not encouraged to do anything constructive, how are they to apply themselves? 

It is not money that gives these children these opportunities. It is a simple sense of being, of appreciation, of value, of being encouraged and praised and if you don’t give these things your children will not know how to make their way in the world, and this is where the problems begin. 

My second week on campus is about to start. It is far more academic than last week where we camped in fields and climbed walls and swam in lakes. And I am intrigued at how things will progress. And I watch the fearful amongst my group and hope they will find themselves and what it is they are meant for in this world. 

Because you cannot teach this stuff. It has to be found from within.

# 64 (2013) Do You Believe?

I've never lived in Scunthorpe. I've never even been to Scunthorpe. And if you've watched 'Skint' on Channel Four you probably won't ever consider going there either. And much like its predecessor 'People Like Us' on BBC Three which was set in Harpurhey, an inner city area of Manchester, it gives a closeted view of one type of person in one specific area.

The programme makers aims are clear. Ratings. Benefits, unemployment and trouble families are high on newsreels and in the minds of working people who are also struggling to make ends meet. And to say there is a little resentment towards their unemployed brethren who just 'hold out their hands for free money' would be an understatement.

TV programme makers thrive off this to create programmes they know viewers will be transfixed to. And even though the programme's subject is very specific it does nothing to enhance the reputation of the area.

(source)

Scunthorpe, the only town with a swear word in its name, is probably a very nice town. Perhaps not the Westcliff Estate where 'Skint' is set, but I'm sure there are some very friendly areas. I've been reading various comments and there are people there that love their town dearly. I'm sure Harpurhey also has its fans.

Viewers you see, won't look for the overall picture. They will watch the programmes and tar a community with the same brush. They get fired up and point fingers and so the ratings go up. TV is a very persuasive medium. You can make your programmes aim as open minded or as closed as you like and people will believe what you show them because the camera never lies, right?

But did you know that in 2011 Scunthorpe won a Google award for being the UK's fastest growing online hub? Programmes like this can have a devestating affect on areas already struggling. Of Harpurhey it was noted:

Locals are threatening to picket the BBC’s northern headquarters at MediaCity 

in Salford and claim that children from Harpurhey have been bullied at school, 

appointments at estate agents cancelled and young people turned down for 

jobs since the series began airing earlier this month. 

And no matter what the subjects of the programmes see or tell programme makers during filming, it can be a very different result once it goes on air. If you allow a documentary to be made about you, don't necessarily think you'll be portrayed in a balanced way. Once they have the material programme makers they can do pretty much what they want with it within reason. So watcher beware and don't always believe what the TV tells you. 

Harpurhey residents. But is everyone like this? (source)

sdfadf

# 41 (2013) Emotional Infertility

Have you ever heard of emotional infertility - no? Well neither had I until this morning when I watched The Wright Stuff.

Emotional Infertility is a label assigned to women who delay child bearing because they want everything to be 'just right'. Generally it'll be career women wanting to have succeeded to their own satisfaction and be financially secure. It also often refers to those women looking for Mr Right to be the father of their offspring. These women might spend the whole of their fertile lives trying to tick all these boxes and never succeed or for it to be too late for them to conceive naturally.

All the way through my twenties this was most definitely my stance on things. But whilst I commanded myself to get everything in order - find the right partner, have a stab at my career of choice and be financially secure - it was quite clear this was never going to happen within the expected time frame. Control freak? Quite possibly. And I was quite happy going through my twenties and early thirties making these excuses. It suited my agenda. I didn't think I was in any rush.

The truth of the matter is that if I was going to wait I was never going to have children. Because here I am in my late thirites and I have most definitely failed to get any of those components to come together. In fact, what is clear is that I will probably be well into my forties before any one of these things looks like they may happen.

Not everyone wants children and that's okay (source)

But you know what, the problem wasn't that I was putting off having kids. All I needed to do was admit to myself that I didn't actually want kids. Even if we won't admit to it there is psychologically a lot of expectation on women to settle down and have a family.

The reality of the situation is that there isn't a maternal bone in my body. I have a suspicion that my first job after leaving school for two years, as a nursery nurse, pre-school teacher and babysitter for children aged 3 weeks to 6 years, probably had a lot to do with that. I am under no illusion what hard work kids are and I envy no woman their motherhood status whatsoever.

It was about three years ago that I was finally able to admit to myself wholeheartedly that I had no intention of ever having children. And I am happy to tell anyone that I am very happy being child free. In fact, I'm quite proud of my choice because I guess it takes quite a lot of guts to stand your ground and do what you want for yourself.

I hope my state of mind never changes and I secretly hope my menopause comes early so I never have to worry about accidentally becoming pregnant. But equally I am aware that things may not always be in my control. If it does happen and all of a sudden my body clock mysteriously appears out of nowhere, I shall have to deal with the fall out because I doubt I will be in a position to reverse my decision.

But there are women out there, the age I am now, still beating themselves up about not having everything in place to be able to start a family. My first thought is that many women who want children just have them often with little regard of the situation these children will find themselves living in. If these career women wanted children, surely there would come a point where they would just do it. Hormones after all can be tricky buggers to deal with. If you are able to keep your maternal instincts in check on that basis perhaps you should be admitting to yourself that you don't want children at all?

Just because all your friends are doing it, it doesn't mean you have to. There should never be an expectation on any individual to settle down and have children just because that's what you do. There are already too many people in the world, a few more career women really wouldn't hurt.

Older women may be responsible for the latest baby boom (source)

Statistics suggest that the number of women in their forties having children has trebled in twenty years - that caters for nearly 30,000 babies born in 2011. That many of these children will have been born at all thanks to advances in modern medicine is perhaps a worrying sign. Many would suggest that you should have your children whilst you are physically able rather than because it fits with your lifestyle aspirations. These are children, not financial commodities after all.

But modern life is changing us. Women's roles have altered and many are expected to be main earners and home owners as well as housewives and mothers. But these roles were never meant to overlap. It was why the standard set up always used to be husbands and wives, breadwinners and homemakers. Both are full time jobs.