Do you ever feel like you're going slightly or slowly mad -
that you haven't quite got a handle on things. And that just as you think
you’ve finally worked it out and compartmentalised all those feelings and
emotions, something comes along and like 'Kerplunk!' - one pull of
those brightly coloured straws and the whole thing seems to go off kilter.
I'm sure I understand very little of what goes on in my life
at the moment and there are days when I sit there and think WTF am I doing?
Some of the important aspects like work I am pretty sure I am in control of and
I’ve got my ethics sorted out and yes I’ve finally worked out who I am. But there
are some things I just can't fathom – like people and being able to switch off
instead of pointlessly brooding over the stuff I can't change.
But then is that me? Or is it the rest
of the world around me that’s lost the plot? A bigger question perhaps?
And if it is me, am I the only one or are
there lots of us who wake up in the morning and think, yes I think I
probably am going slowly mad. It would be more comforting to know that I wasn’t
alone in this thought rather than that in 10 years time I’m going to be in some
mental institution somewhere – a rising star that just missed out due to insanity.
The thought of losing control really worries me. I’d hate to
go mad, lose grip on reality. Perhaps if I simplified my life I wouldn’t get so
worked up. It’s as if I go looking for trouble. I’m like a magnet for
complication. I don’t expect to swan through life not having any hassle, truly.
It doesn’t work out like that. But I’m pretty sure I don’t deserve everything I
get. I wasn’t THAT bad was I?
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