I have always believed in giving people second chances. Everyone fucks up from time to time. We are what we are. I have ALWAYS given second chances, sometimes thirds if I really thought the person concerned was worth it.
When you are not given that second chance in return it hurts, it REALLY hurts, because to you it is unjustified. I have rarely had to prove myself because the proof is in how I treat people. Those close to me KNOW I am honest, straight down the middle and as trustworthy as you're ever likely to find a human being. That's NOT a boast, it's the way it is.
I don't think anyone I know well would say I was a bad person. I am the sort of person who, if you needed advice or just wanted to vent at someone, would give a layman's point of view and help you where possible. And I am proud of that. Because there aren't that many of us around. I guess that's one of my upsides. I am as good as I can be to the people who matter most to me. And I take the time to work out who those people are. It doesn't just happen. It's taken years of mistakes and regret to get to this refined stage of friendship control.
So not being given the second chance in return pretty much sucks. It means I haven't had the chance to prove myself as the person I really am or that the individual concerned hasn't had enough time to get to know me and only sees me for the mistake, which will have been without malice. It hasn't happened in a while, but it happened yesterday and I am genuinely, genuinely heart broken.
I don't mean for these things to happen. They very rarely do. But sometimes things just slip through the net. You don't realise how situations will change or how things will progress or how lucky you realise you are.
I am genuinely and completely devastated at what's happened this week and I hope that the person who I have so wronged (without wanting it at all) thinks again. Because I deserve that second chance and I know that I, and they, are worth it .
I am also a great believer in second (and third ) chances, part of it stems from having felt deeply flawed my whole life, how could I deny others what I so deeply crave myself, reognition that I am more than my flaws, giving someone another chance when their actions although wrong held no deliberate malice is not always easy but its something I have rarely regretted, in fact it has often strengthened friendships and my more sucessful relationship, because giving someone a second chance is a way of saying I accept all of you the good and the bad, I can let the bad bits go and hold onto the good.
ReplyDeleteAnd in part its stems from the fact that I once refused to give someone another chance (we are not talking 2nd or 3rd chances here we had reached at least 4 figures) I had my reasons, very very good ones,but I knew the other person had very good reasons for their behaviour but i made the choice to remove any further chances, not through malice but through what I viewed at the time as self preservation. It is a choice I will regret for the rest of my life, I can never take it back and the damage I inflicted, not only on the other person but upon myself, in fact I damaged myself far, far worse in the long run, can never now be undone.
There are many paths to second chances. Some people offer them up freely as a gift from love in trust in the knowledge that what is good about you is stronger than the bad, whilst others retreat curling up defensively like a hedgehog, displaying only the spikes and not the soft centre, but hedgehogs do uncurl when they feel the threat to them has passed..