Wednesday, 25 July 2012

# 101 Feet first

If there is one thing I have always been good at it's jumping in feet first, putting all my eggs into one basket and throwing all caution to the wind. It's the thing my parents dread, because I have done it often and it always bounces back and bites me hard on the arse. And I have always been the one to pay the price.

But EVENTUALLY you do learn the lessons and subconsciously I can confidently say that I have, although not everyone would agree.

I read this little gem today by xojane 'Move in Together, But For God's Sake, Keep Your Couch'. Optimistic young loves will not understand this article and many people will never have to worry about having to deal with these issues, but it's been one of the overriding factors of my life and the hardest lesson I've had to learn so far.

I've always jumped hard and fast into relationships. My self preservation attitude meant keeping costs down by going double dutch on everything and in many respects it made sense since I, and my partners, were never able to financially support ourselves independantly for long. I guess it was just practical at the time. But the fall out was always hard and picking up the pieces miserable.

Despite that I have never shared finances beyond rent and bills. I never had a joint mortgage, bank account or gave up my hard earned savings for anyone (well perhaps once). Now I can honestly say I own not very much of anything. My prize possession is my four poster king size bed. That I won't be giving up any time soon. Apart from that and the tools of my trade, there isn't much else for me to sacrifice these days since I live in a part furnished house. Quite an achievement for a reformed hoarder.

Swinging full circle happened unexpectedly, and I think it's the fear of being alone which is pushing me to take everything in life slower and with more caution, from house moves, to emotional entanglements. I have realised that I have to protect every aspect of my life since, I am sorry to say, nothing is forever and everything in my life currently feels like it sits on a precarious knife edge.

It helps when the people around you give you a dose of reality check every once in a while, even if that makes you sad. Keeping your feet firmly on the ground may be practical but it's not half as fun. I guess that's just one of the things you have to learn to love.


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