A lot has happened in the last year. And the last few months particularly have been ones of change. I have downsized my life physically and financially and attempted to deal with it emotionally. I have achieved a lot but there are still things that need to be done. It's now time to start finding ways to expand whilst still being able to live within my means.
Realising I can do this and make plans for the future has already felt like an enormous weight off my mind but I still have to implement it.
I've taken the decision to downsize my business and go back to work. It isn't able to support me and it's just too stressful trying to be productive and stay positive whilst living on air. This was not something I had planned for.
My business will become a thing of evenings and weekends but at least it will still exist and I will probably enjoy it more. The rest of the time I need to be doing something that is inspiring, fulfilling and socially more interesting whilst not losing sight of my long term aims and ambitions.
One of the problems I have is that I haven't made the most of the facilities available to me in order to promote my business. Most of that is due to lack of effort on my part and I will freely admit to that. I have lost my drive and enthusiasm for the thing I loved the most.
The reason for this is that I have never fully recovered my confidence since finishing university last May. After all the encouragement I was unexpectedly left feeling useless, incompetent at what I wanted to do and unable to fully realise my abilities and I've never been able to shake it off. I have let myself down and I was let down by the university that was supposed to be helping me onto the right road. It killed my love for clothing design and I will never forgive them for that. The knock on effect on my life has been profound and I don't think anyone knows just how much I changed in that year. But I've had enough so it's time to move on.
The city where I live is very limited work wise for both my business and employment generally and it is also full of bad memories I would like to leave behind. I have realised that nothing is going to change unless I sort myself out and I don't believe it can happen here. There are things in my life that ideally I would like to take with me and if I can I will, but it's now time to start again. It think it was going to be inevitable.