Sunday, 3 June 2012

# 85 Bomb proof

I am bomb proof. I don't mean that in the literal sense i.e. I will explode if you actually stick a bomb under me. But I am unshockable, understanding, level headed and will deal with pretty much anything you can throw at me. I also have a very high stress tolerance. But eventually things will get to me.

Friendship wise mine have always been reasonably thin on the ground where close friends have been concerned. My very slight issues with trust mean I keep few friends in my confidence and the rest are happy acquaintances I am pleased to have had in my life. Every friendship lost for the wrong reasons is a learning curve and if you abuse my trust or my generosity I will see fit to deal with it. 

But don't get me wrong. I am not hard, insensitive or uncaring. I am indeed quite the opposite. I always consider myself the most trustworthy person anyone will ever know and there are those that will testify to that.

I know there are plenty of people out there just like me. We come to it from different directions though. I have never directly experienced anything particularly bad in my life. I have never been abused, raped, attacked in any shape or form, or had issues with drugs or alcohol (well not as a user anyway) and I have a good background and a stable home life. 

So for me to be so well versed and unshockable is perhaps an unusual response to a normal '2.4 family' upbringing. And for that reason my rationality also has a heart. Which means that although I feel the pain and my heart will get broken (which is goddamn horrible), I will come through because that's what you do. 

Life goes on and you deal with it.  And certainly experiences in the last year have made me much harder when it comes to sexual relationships (always my only weak point where rationality is concerned).

Of  course, I have never experienced a life threatening situation so I can't tell you how I would deal with, say, the discovery that I had a terminal illness. I would like to think I would do something useful with my last days, weeks or months on earth. But maybe I would take all the years of being 'nice' as licence for me to run rough shod over everything and every one. Who can tell? I haven't been there. 

What I do know, is that you should live for the moment, be grateful for every day that you are able to walk freely with good health and be thankful for what income you have and the reliable people around you. I can get insanely annoyed by petty and trivial people who whine and bitch about things they have no right to complain about. Thankfully I generally keep them at arms length. But I guess that's just me. 


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