One of my most poignant presents this year was a gift from the 'food aid' fairy. Yes we get them most years in my family - a bag of edible treats. But this year it was full of the basics. Gratefully accepted of course, but it made me question just what it was I was doing.
I expected things to be hard. Running your own business, existing on what you can make from commissions is not easy. And I picked a bad time to do it. But do I really need to put myself through this amount of hardship and stress? Is it going to pay off? And why should I punish myself like this when really I could take a back step until things ease up.
I stopped making new year resolutions sometime back. Rules are made to be broken. But I came across the bucket list in a film reference the other day and thought this would be a better way to go about the same process with less rigidity and hopefully remind me that there is more to life than working to barely get by.
So instead I am making up lists of things I want to do before I die, rather than things I have to do in the next 12 months. You can keep track of your own success or use a website like Bucketlist.
My list is small right now but that's because I have an immediate list that needs more attention. More effort towards the business and to find a job to help ease things along.
Because a little bit of me if currently wondering what I am doing this for and whether it will all be worth it in the end.