Tuesday, 6 March 2012

# 64 Madness is a strange bed fellow

Do you ever feel like you're going slightly or slowly mad - that you haven't quite got a handle on things. And that just as you think you’ve finally worked it out and compartmentalised all those feelings and emotions, something comes along and like 'Kerplunk!' - one pull of those brightly coloured straws and the whole thing seems to go off kilter.

I'm sure I understand very little of what goes on in my life at the moment and there are days when I sit there and think WTF am I doing? Some of the important aspects like work I am pretty sure I am in control of and I’ve got my ethics sorted out and yes I’ve finally worked out who I am. But there are some things I just can't fathom – like people and being able to switch off instead of pointlessly brooding over the stuff I can't change. 

But then is that me? Or is it the rest of the world around me that’s lost the plot? A bigger question perhaps?  

And if it is me, am I the only one or are there lots of us who wake up in the morning and think, yes I think I probably am going slowly mad. It would be more comforting to know that I wasn’t alone in this thought rather than that in 10 years time I’m going to be in some mental institution somewhere – a rising star that just missed out due to insanity.

The thought of losing control really worries me. I’d hate to go mad, lose grip on reality. Perhaps if I simplified my life I wouldn’t get so worked up. It’s as if I go looking for trouble. I’m like a magnet for complication. I don’t expect to swan through life not having any hassle, truly. It doesn’t work out like that. But I’m pretty sure I don’t deserve everything I get. I wasn’t THAT bad was I? 

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