Monday, 5 March 2012

# 63 Reviewing the stakes

The past five months and, particularly those since I started this blog, have been some of the most turbulent, inspirational, productive, daunting and dare I say confusing of my life. People have come and gone and some have come back again. On the horizon looms one of the most monumental changes I've ever had to commit to and as that reality dawns I have gained an entirely new insight into how I live my life.

There is a phrase that I have used on this blog before which comes from Alice in Wonderland. It says 'It's no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then'. It is an incredibly poignant statement right now because there are people and events in my life that have completely reshaped my outlook and mean I can never go back to the way things used to be.

And I wouldn't change it for the world because all these changes have been for the better even if some of them have been painful, soul destroying and just downright uninspiring. They have taught me how to be more patient with the things I don't understand, resilience in myself and who my friends really are (or has at least affirmed what I already knew). I have gained incredible knowledge into the people around me and in those moments this has strengthened considerably some of my relationships. This is all a good thing.

In just a couple of months, a way of life I have enjoyed entirely will suddenly end. My three years at the University of Lincoln comes to fruition and I must stand on my own two feet as a business owner, putting all my skills into practice, proving not only to everyone around me but also to me that I made the right decision and that this isn't so much a leap of faith as a conscious decision.

Previously I would have doubted I could do it, but something has changed and I am no longer frightened that I might fail. In many ways I am looking forward to living my working life with a whole new dynamic. No longer dreading the Monday to Friday 9 to 5 but immersing myself every day in my passion. That is a precious gift. And if I can make it work financially then all is well with the world.

As for everything else, well you can't predict how things will pan out, or how people will change. I have my hopes and dreams of course, but essentially I can't do anything about much of it. But I am hoping those dynamics will stay as they are because right here, right now, this is where I want to be and this is the way I want things to stay.

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